I feel so angry and embarrassed.
I thought a Wellesley degree would make me respectable. Even with my med school dreams dashed, I could erase my tainted past and become a classy person. I wanted a partner to help me.
I realized that education, money and vocation doesn’t make a person classy, it is about being honorable, mature and well-mannered. My partner always worries that their lack of a college degree and employment status bothered me and my family, but it doesn’t.
Yet I’m disappointed and ashamed. Classy people don’t binge-drink, scream bloody murder at 3 AM and then act like the neighbors are somehow at fault for calling the police. Classy people don’t exact revenge by spitting all over the neighbor’s door. I’m so ashamed by this ridiculous behavior.
I keep seeing all my friends getting married.
It makes me think about why I’m not married yet (it’s not for everyone, but it’s something I really want.)
I always assumed that if someone really loved me, they would automatically want to marry me. I realize now that was stupid as not everyone is looking for marriage. Maybe I should have made the desire to marry within the next 5 years a “criterion” when dating.
Newsflash: Heroin can kill people!
Not just “other” people. Not just junkies (a word I have never heard anyone apply to themselves, as in, “I use heroin, but I’m no junkie.”)
It kills good, smart, bright and talented people. It can kill people you know. It can even kill you. Don’t try and distance yourself from that reality next time you use.